DimLit Ed
by Lummox
Summary: This is a written version of the Episode Dim Lit Ed. This isn't my first, but by far my best. Chapter 3 is now up! (I also edited chapter 1.)
1. Two Nuts and a Tree

Disclaimer- Ed, Edd n Eddy are the property of A.K.A. Cartoon, Inc. and my idol, Danny Antonuccui. I sincerely hope he reads this, as I've worked hard on this.  
  
Ed, Edd n Eddy in: Dim-Lit Ed  
  
Chapter 1. "Two nuts and a tree."  
  
The day began like most August days did. Edd was outside in the grassy area of the park. Jimmy was doing somersaults in the grass. Jonny was climbing trees. It was business as usual; just another boring, un-eventful day. "Look at me," Jimmy sang as he rolled in the grass. Edd's work was more serious. He was releasing a freshly hatched beetle into the grass. "Fresh out of the incubator and thrust into the world," he mused jovially. "Let's try to adapt, shall we?" Jimmy was rolling in the direction of the beetle, which had just begun to nibble on a blade of grass. "By George, he's assimilated!" Edd cried as the beetle munched again on the foliage. CRUNCH! Jimmy rolled right over the insect. Edd's pupils widened. He held up the limp, vacant blade of grass. "JIMMY, STOP!" Edd exclaimed. Jimmy sat up immediately. "Hello?" he said. Edd raced up to the curly-haired boy and began to search his hair, trying desperately to locate the bug. "Stand perfectly still! Somersaulting is a wild and irresponsible sport, young man," he scolded. "Let's hope your recklessness didn't harm the innocent." With that, Edd pulled the beetle out of Jimmy's curls and sighed with relief. "See," he said, "you could have crushed this poor arthropod!" Jimmy went pale. "Was that on me?" He asked wearily. "Jimmy," Edd said, "the grass is a veritable micro-world, home to thousands-upon-thousands of bugs. It just hitched a ride in your hair to." Jimmy squealed in fright. "CREEPY-CRAWLIES!" he panicked. "They're all around me! They're all around me! Bugs! Sarah, HELP!" Jimmy ran away to seek the aid of his tomboyish friend, Sarah. Well," Edd muttered, "Jimmy's lack of good judgment is evident."  
  
As Edd was walking, he bumped into Jonny, who once again, had managed to wedge his "ten-gallon head" between a forked branch in a tree. He was dangling in the air. "Jonny, not again!" Edd said. Jonny loved climbing trees, and the issue of his bulbous head was the only problem. "Yup, this happens to me a lot, Double-D." Jonny referred to Edd by hid nickname. "Don't you think you would've learned by your past mistakes?" Edd pointed out. "After all, it's just common sense!" Jonny stared at Edd for a moment. "Nope, I guess not!" Jonny chuckled. Edd sighed. "Can I help in any way?" He asked dimly. "No thanks. Plank already went for help." Jonny said. He was, of course, referring to his friend, Plank, who in reality was nothing more than a piece of 2x4 with a face drawn on it. It seemed that plank hadn't gotten very far in the way of "getting help". "He'll be back in about a freckle past the hair." Jonny rolled up his sleeve and pointed to a pretend watch on his wrist. Edd walked away slowly. "Interesting." he said, puzzled. As Edd walked down the sidewalk to his house, he could faintly hear Jonny singing "Tra-lala-la-la-la" and swinging back and forth, still suspended in the tree.  
  
Edd was in his yard. "It may be just coincidence, but it seems good judgment is at a premium today." He muttered. He was about to open his front door when it fell on top of him, and who should appear, but his good friend Ed, grappling desperately with what looked to be a belt. "Snake! Snake!" Ed hollered, fighting with the object. "I got it, Eddy, I got it!" Just as Edd was about to clamber out from underneath the door, his other friend, Eddy, raced out to aid Ed. "Watch it, Ed! It might bite!" He yelled. "It is slippery, Eddy!" Ed panicked, the belt tightly wrapped around his funnel-shaped head. "It has blinded me with its venom!" (The belt was wrapped over his eyes.) "Pull it off, Ed!" Eddy ran to aid his oversized friend, only to be knocked back by a blow from Ed's head. Somehow, Ed freed himself from the "snake's" grasp and threw it to the ground. Edd walked up to them, finally out from under his door. "Did ya see that thing lunge at us?" Eddy trembled. "Hmm." Edd said. "That is a belt." Ed was also trembling. "But I heard it hiss, Double-D!" he said. Edd was getting annoyed. "Impossible, Ed!" He argued. "It ain't moving much." Eddy said, lifting the limp clothing article with his shoe. Edd had heard enough. "IT'S A BELT!" he hollered. "FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD, IT SECURES YOUR PANTS!" He grabbed his head in exasperation. "Sure did look like a snake," Eddy picked it up. "Hey! I bet we could sell this thing as an exotic pet!" Ed smiled. "I'd buy it," he chimed. "Stop," Edd hollered. "I don't want to hear any more! The academic level of this Cul-De-Sac is dropping like a lead weight!" he continued, kicking a football out of the way. "If we don't get some kind of mental stimulation, we'll all be reduced to protoplasm!" Of course, neither Ed nor Eddy was listening, as Eddy's attention was focused on the football. He nudged Ed in the arm. "Yo, Lurch," he said, "With a little paint, that football could look like an alligator."  
  
Edd turned pale and stared at them both. "You need help." He peeped. "You all need help." He screamed and ran off. 


	2. Professor Edd

Chapter 2: Professor Edd  
  
Kevin walked down the lane, obviously embarrassed. He and Rolf had taken Wilfred, Rolf's pet pig, with them. "Come, Kevin," Rolf insisted, "Join us in our jubilation." Kevin frowned. "No way, man. I don't walk with the pig!" Jonny had come along too, after being yanked out of the tree by Wilfred, and his head was now jammed in the pig's mouth. "I can hear the ocean, Plank!" Jonny said. Suddenly, Wilfred spat Jonny out and began squealing deafeningly. The three kids stopped abruptly and gasped. Parallel to them stood Ed and Eddy, and attached to a leash was a shabby-looking.thing. Kevin knew automatically that the Eds were up to something. "Heh," Kevin scoffed, "What the heck is that supposed to be?" Eddy bolted in front of Kevin as he walked towards it. "Don't get too close," Eddy warned. "Our pet alligator might attack at the blink of an eye!" Kevin was far from gullible. And that was no alligator, but a football. "That ain't no alligator," he snorted. "Sure it is," Eddy protested. "Didn't you see it move?" Just as Eddy finished his sentence, he felt a tug on his leash. The alligator began to move away from him. "Check it out," Eddy said in awe. "It's really moving!" Ed threw his arms out in excitement. "Let's sing a song!" he hollered cheerily. One by one, the kids followed the reptile down the lane. "Let Rolf wrestle the beast!" Rolf said as he followed. "Feed it a rock!" Sarah said as she and Jimmy ran after it as well. Eddy grabbed Ed by the collar of his overcoat. This was gonna be the easiest buck they've ever made! "We're sitting on a goldmine, Ed!" Eddy exclaimed. "Ee-I-Ee-I-Oh!" Ed sang as the two raced after the kids.  
  
The kids scrambled after the misconceived reptile and ended up in the direct middle of the Lane. The alligator slowed dramatically. It then lifted into the air as if someone was reeling it in. That's when the group caught sight of Edd. He held the dangling alligator, suspended by a thin, white rope. "Your attention," Edd said. "Your attention, thank you. Please be seated." The kids looked to the seats prearranged for them. They sat. "Good day, class." He said, just finishing a diagram on his foldable chalkboard that had been set up prior to this. Edd went on. He was obviously enjoying being the "Teacher" for once. "Today we will learn how to differentiate between an alligator and a recreational toy." Edd held the alligator and shook it. Different components fell off. Cardboard feet, a thin rectangular box with teeth drawn in crayon for the mouth, a few Cardboard spikes on the back, and a large sock on the back with continuing spines. The final product was nothing more than the football from earlier. The other kids were less than impressed at Ed and Eddy's once again feeble attempts for a scam. They turned sharply in their seats and glared at the two. Eddy chuckled weakly. "He's wrecking everything, Ed!" Eddy grabbed Ed's shirt collar and shook him. Ed seemed to have little to no reaction to being shook, and giggled vacantly. "Eddy," Edd said, "Nazz, please switch seats with Ed." Ed got up and hung himself over dismally, groaning like a sick dog. Nazz sat in his place. "Hi, Eddy," She said. Eddy nearly melted. Just being near Nazz made all three of the Eds sweat. Eddy was no exemption, and was equally apprehensive around her. Edd then heard a slight chewing noise. He eyed Rolf, who was, apparently chewing gum. "Rolf!" Edd hollered. "Hallo?" Rolf answered with his mouth full. "Spit out that gum." Edd ordered. "This is no gum," Rolf protested. "It is the grease off of Papa's foot soakings." "Spit it out." Edd repeated, this time his tone was sharp and harsh. Rolf sighed. He pulled the greasy wad from his mouth and stuck it to Plank. The hunk of timber and Jonny were directly in front of him. Edd continued his lecture. "That, class, is just one example of the alarming decline in rational thinking that." Kevin raised his hand. "Yes Kevin?" Edd called on him. "So, what you're sayin' is," Kevin said. "You're a dork?" With Kevin's less than origional remark, the entire group howled in laughter. Edd frowned. "I see a visual aid is in order," he said as he slammed a "dunce" cap over Kevin's head. "Hey! What th-!" Kevin spurted. Eddy took the opportunity and jammed the cap on even tighter. The kids laughed harder. "Ha ha ha ha! What a dunce!" Eddy laughed. Kevin lowered his head and rammed into Eddy like a rhino. The kids roared in laughter, except Nazz. She glared at Kevin. "Boy, Kevin, that was stupid," She remarked.  
  
"My sentiments exactly, Nazz." Edd walked to the desk and came back with a heap of folders, all of which were labeled with each cul-de-sac resident's name. "This is why I've compiled a scavenger hunt to stimulate each of your minds. I've compiled a list of clues to aid you in the hunt." Edd handed out each folder to its owner. Nazz, Rolf, Sarah, and almost everyone else were intrigued, except for Kevin who tossed his behind him. "The first one to find everything on the list wins a grand prize!" Edd said, knowing that may get their attention sparked. It worked. The eyes of every youthful resident brightened. "What's the prize, Double Dee?" Nazz said, ringing her hands in unbearable mirth. "Is it wood varnish?" Jonny said, once again showing his unbridled love for wood. "Shiny new tweezers?" Jimmy said with equal excitement. "A new brother?" Sarah asked hopefully. "It must be a jawbreaker!" Rolf exclaimed, thrusting an extended index finger in the air. "Jawbreaker?" Eddy immediately snapped to attention. "Glistening with sugar like the sweats on Nana's upper lip." Rolf continued, drooling profusely. "Rolf accepts the challenge!" Edd smiled widely, only to be trampled by everyone in a mob to get the first item on the list. Even so, Edd was too proud to be shifted. "Look at that. the pursuit of mental cultivation and stimulation. Doesn't it make you--" "Where'd you stash the jawbreaker, Double Dee?" Eddy slammed his face into Edd's in half-blind excitement. "Hello!" Ed said, smashing into Edd from the other side. Edd slipped out from the two and Ed and Eddy slammed into each other and fell on the ground. Edd backed away, but Eddy grabbed him by the collar. "Spill it!" He demanded. "I am back!" Ed hollered as he rammed into them once again. He wrapped his arms around Edd's midsection, squeezing him like a python. ` "Say 'Toy boat' three times really fast!" He squeezed harder, lifting Edd in the air. Edd grunted in pain! "Toy boat, toy boat, toy boat-!" Ed yelled when Eddy kicked him off of Edd. Edd regained his composure. "Your impatience is really unnecessary. To win the prize, you must answer all the clues correctly." Eddy held up his paper. He read aloud. "'When I grow up, I want to be a tree.'" He stared at the paper for a moment. "This is so stupid," he nitpicked. "Absorb the clue, Eddy." Edd prodded. "I want to be a tree." He chuckled. Eddy frowned. "Oh, I know!" Ed said. He ran off, catching the paper in his face and ripping in two in Eddy's hands. "Atta boy, Ed!" Eddy called. He poked Edd in the nose. "See? Too easy!" Ed returned quickly and dropped a watermelon on the ground. "I win!" He exclaimed. "Jawbreaker please." "Ed, why would a watermelon want to be a tree?" Edd said, raising an unseen eyebrow under his hat. "Jawbreaker, please!" Ed and Eddy said in unison. Edd threw himself back, slapping his forehead. "You're not even close!" He walked up to a nearby oak tree. "A tree," he said, waving his hand towards the great tall fauna. He pulled an acorn off of one of the branches. "Oh, look! An acorn!" he said in a voice like he was teaching a child. "Huh? What's that?" Edd pretended to be listening to the seed. "Okay, I'll tell them." He used a childish voce. "'I'm a little acorn, and when I grow up, I want to be. A TREE!'" He yelled. Ed and Eddy stared at Edd's enraged lesson. "Acorn becomes a tree! Acorn.becomes tree! Acorn.TREE!" Eddy sighed. "This is gonna take."  
  
".Forever, Jimmy." Sarah said. The two were in the park, with a laundry bag. "This is stupid." Jimmy put his hand on her shoulder. "Oh, don't say that, Sarah. Jonny's already ahead of us, see?" Sure enough, at Jimmy's cue was Jonny and Plank, who were scouring the playground equipment for items. "Yup, it's a tin can, all right," Jonny said as he giggled childishly. "Boy, Plank, you're a braniac!" Sarah extended a wrathful arm and flung Jonny back towards them. "Hold it," Sarah growled. Patience was not her strong suit. "What's the answer to number one?" Jonny scratched his fuzzy head. "Beats me," he replied. "Plank thinks we just collect stuff." Jonny snatched Sarah's sheet from her. ".Like this paper!" He laughed joyfully. "HEY!" Sarah hollered. As she ran after him, Jimmy felt weak and fell to the ground, crying wearily. Rolf walked up. He had been in the vicinity, and had overheard Jimmy's sobs. "Why do you cry, Feeble One?" Rolf asked. "You must shed tears of joy, as Rolf is victor of the scavenger hunt!" As Rolf finished his sentence, he slammed a canvas bag down in front of Jimmy. The small boy jumped in surprise. Jimmy was suspicious. The bag was taller than Rolf. He got up and fumbled around in the bag. Rolf paid him no heed, and even wore a smug look on his face. Jimmy shook the bag and something large and red fell out. It was a beet. "This bag is full of beets," Jimmy said. "What clue is beets?" "KNOW-NOTHING!" Rolf yelled, " The humble beet is the answer to all riddles. "You bore Rolf!" Rolf said, flinging Jimmy with the sack like a toothpick. Jimmy was dumbstruck. The only thing to do was to.tattle. "SARAH! ROLF IS CHEATING!" He kicked his legs in the air, frustrated. 


	3. Just Desserts

Chapter 3:  
  
  
  
Just Desserts  
  
Kevin and Nazz were elsewhere in the woods, and Kevin was past frustrated. "Nazz, this is so stupid!" Kevin said. (This must be a trend.) "You're not even trying, Kevin," Nazz said. "Don't you want to win that Jawbreaker?" Kevin scowled. "What for?" Kevin asked. "I've got a whole garage full of 'em at home, remember?" Kevin was right. Since the Jawbreaker Processing Factory had hired his father, Kevin had a near-endless supply at home. Nazz stared at her paper. "This is stupid," she said.  
  
Ed, Edd and Eddy were still in the lane. Edd was having quite an uncomfortable interrogation, thanks to Ed's "pink-belly" torture. Ed had Edd nearly bent in half with his belly exposed. Every couple of seconds he would slap Edd on the belly, turning it pink. "Pink belly!" Ed said. Edd wouldn't talk. "Pink belly," he repeated, slapping again. Edd grimaced. "Pink belly," Ed said. "Stop it, Ed!" Edd pleaded. "You know how to make Ed stop, Double Dee." Eddy said. "Tell us where you hid the jawbreaker!" "I can't do that, Eddy," Edd said, "I'd be denying you and Ed a chance to learn!" "Ed." Eddy flipped his finger, cueing Ed to continue. "Pink belly!" Ed continued. Edd winced. He had no choice. It was either tell them the truth, or endure the unbearable torture further. He swallowed his pride. "THERE IS NO JAWBREAKER!!!" he screamed. Ironically, Rolf, Jimmy and Sarah had been walking towards the Eds the very moment the truth was revealed. "What? NO JAWBREAKER?" Rolf hollered in incredulity, but his tone quickly turned harsh. "Swindlers! You promised Rolf a Jawbreaker!" "No, actually, if you recall, I never actually used the word 'Jawbreaker'." Edd corrected. "RIP-OFF ARTIST!" Sarah screeched with an outstretched arm. "Oh, You're gonna pay!" Jimmy said, folding his arms and glaring. "Oh, now I assure you, there is a prize," Edd reassured them, "something far more valuable than a Jawbreaker." Sarah sighed with relief, and Rolf brightened. "Are you ready? It's the reward of higher learning!" Edd removed and unraveled a diploma, showing it to them. This diploma will-OWCH!" Rolf was yet again infuriated and had impulsively tossed a beet at Edd. "Nice shot, Rolf. My turn." Sarah said as she rolled up her sleeve and flung her clue bag over her shoulder. Then, there was a deafening WHOMP and she walked away. Edd was sitting under her bag, in a crater formed by the impact. "Break it up, boys." She said as she strutted off. Ed and Eddy stared in pure shock. People often did, after seeing Sarah pummel the dirt out of someone. "There's a lesson to be-Ow-learned here, gentlemen." Edd said. But neither Ed nor Eddy were paying attention, as their focus was on a sprinkler that had fallen out of Sarah's bag. "Check it out, Ed. This sort of looks like an iguana!" Eddy said.  
  
Edd once again felt pale. It would be one of thoes days. ................................................................ 


End file.
